Distraught; its a good vocab word

i found the perfect jeep. i mean everything was perfect. but its not good enough for my family. so i go look today and cant afford the one i want. i seriously am out of ideas. i am tired of trying to make every one happy. im sooo tired. everything hurts. why cant I just be happy. isnt that important to anyone? no?...yeah i shouldve known that. *sigh*on a lighter note im glad B is coming home. im so fucking excited to see him. i need a break from all this serious shit. and i know if anyone can make me laugh like im crazy and help me relax he can. Im so glad we're talking. everything was just so downhill after that. i feel like im falling sometime. noones gonna catch me either

:(

mehhh i so tired. i have to work a shit ton this week too. but its a pretty easy peasy job which is nice :) well i guess thats all for now.

Things aren't always what they seem, Sometimes they're worse.

You're gone. I forced you to speak to me but it doesnt make losing you any easier. I miss you every day. I think about you and me and i am sorry. I told you awhile ago that i was a bad person and you didn't believe me. but i told you. i guess its too late for me to do anything now. shit sucks but oh well. i hope you're well. i keep notes in my phone and it seems like i can write more then ever lately. i notice the negative in the world and i want to change it so bad. i start school january 10th. i can't believe that i can actually have a future...but i never know what can happen. im overwhelmed. i just got my schedule for work this moth. i work 6 days a week open to close. fuckkk. idk what else to write. i love you. teddybear.......