Im Not The Person I Used To Be

its things like this that make everything so much worse. I can't stand crying or the fact that your the one making me do it. i hate the fact that even though everything in me screams out to punch back my body refuses to respond. I hate that you make me feel so worthless, so pathetic. I wonder if this is how mom felt when she was with you, why she left in the first place. She was foolish to come back. I have nothing left in me to do this anymore. im so physically and emotionally tired of everything. Ive never had so many people telling me i didnt look well. Im sorry your sick but telling me im a "worthless piece of shit and a spiteful little bitch" is not winning my affection or sympathy idiot. i thought it was funny that you were confused when i said this is why you have noone. how hard is that to understand you moron? because you are such an asshole noone feels the need to be around you. noone feels like your worth their time, let alone their sympathy.Im tired of fighting with you...because noone is winning. you yell at me i yell at you i cry and you have no emotion. you think you are always right. welllll your not. prick.

Talking Is Overrated.

I am quiet. Its not because im sad. its not because im angry. im just quiet. im thinking of the events to come after these 6 months are up. ive accepted the situation. and moved on. im just letting people know whats going on with me.personally i think talking about it is overrated. im actually quite at peace....almost....

numb.

So many thoughts and not enough time to think about them all.

Its been a wierd month. i dont know what i want anymore. All i know is that i dont like where and who i live with. i don't like not having my license yet. i can go get it any time but my father has yet to lend me his car. Every day all i want to do is just drive. I dont know where i want to go but i want to drive. I miss having a life. I used to be out with friends all the time and when it hit sophmore year everything stopped. Now that chelseas gone my workload is doubled. its ridiculous. i think im going to die from stress. and being so tired. im always tired. whyyyy.

im happy for chelsea though. shes in a really great relationship and im really happy hes a good guy :) i need a good guy. but i dont want a relationship. i dont know anymoreee....fuckkk.

boys suck.